If you wrote a letter to yourself that you would read in twenty years, what would you want to tell yourself? I know some things that I would include in my letter would be: where I was today in my spiritual walk and where I wish, at this point, I would be in my walk. It is neat to think that twenty years from now, I could be reading something that I wrote to myself. It kind of reminds me about Back to the Future 2 when Doc Brown writes himself a letter telling himself that he would be shot at a specific time which made Doc Brown wear a bullet proof vest to protect himself. This could be our chance to tell ourselves some things for the future.
Right, first let's work out how old I will be. I will be 50. Andrew will be 50. Matthew will be 30 (arrgghh!) and Michael will be almost 27! Well, here goes nothing……
I don't really know what I want to say to you. Do I want to tell you things about me as I am now, or do I want to remind you of things? I think I have many many questions for you, more questions than things I want to tell you. But that's not what this is about.
Remember that night at the end of the first catch the fire? What was it God said to you as you lay on the floor twiddling your wedding ring? "I put that there for a purpose." I do hope that Andrew is still around and still with you, but if not, God's word still stands. HE had a purpose, maybe you can't see that right now, but one day you will. And if he is still around, remember to hug him and kiss him extra today, just for me. He might not be the easiest man to live with at times, but he is the one God gave you.
I do hope you are happy Zoë, you deserve to be you know. Your father God never intended for all the yuck that other people dealt you in life, just as he didn't intend for the yuck you dealt out to others. He loved you from the moment you were first thought of. He loves you, and he cares for you still. His ever-loving arms are just a cry away. Call on him and he will answer you.
I find myself wondering if you have seen all the things you wanted to see. Have you been to the places you wanted to go? Have you done the things you wanted to do? How much of that is still to come for you? Let's look at things, you are only 50, your life is not over, no matter how old you feel, or how little life you think you have left. Have you been to Australia yet, and worked for God with Kids out there? Well, you always said you thought it would be a retirement project from God didn't you. Better start planning now, I say.
ZOË, never forget that God called you to KIDS. You cannot run away from it, and no-one can take it away from you. I have no idea what has happened in the last 20 years, no idea if you are still involved, or if all that is past for you now. It doesn't matter if you're not still "doing the stuff", if God called you to KIDS then you need to find ways of being involved and supporting what is happening now, even if that is just through prayer.
Somehow I would guess that you are still at the thick of things, still in there working away, winning souls for the Lord. Yes you heard me. You wouldn't think that from the 30 year old me that is writing this would you? God called you to Kids, to love them, to be their friend, to lead them to Him, introduce them to Him. Are you still able to see things from their point of view? Learn from them, listen to them, and be creative.
What am I like now (the writing this now)? Am I very different from how you now (the reading this now) remember me?
I am 5 foot 6 inches tall. I weigh 14 stone 6.5 pounds, and I am losing weight on weight watchers. I started at 17 stone 1 pound, and I am aiming to reach 11 stone. I have short red hair, and freckles galore.
I work one day a week in the church office, and I lead the Energizer (fun & games) session of Sunday School every week. I teach a Sunday School class every other week, and often end up doing something with one or other of the kids on the weeks that I am not teaching. This means I very rarely get to be in the main hall for the "sermon", and get (presently) very little opportunity for prayer. I have been trying to stand up for myself on that one, and make something happen, but only you will know if that worked.
I am today extremely excited and hopeful about the possibility of doing a Christian nationally accredited course for leaders of Children's work. Trouble is it's £275. Well, if I don't do it this year, I'll do it next, so you will be a woman of qualification if all goes well with that.
Where do I hope you'll be spiritually? I do hope that this prayer journaling thing sticks for you. I hope that 20 years from now, you are still going strong with that, but also learning that moment by moment communication with Father as well. I hope that you know your bible a lot better than I do, and are remembering more of it too. I hope that God is using you to reach out to kids and to their parents, whether that be through a Sunday thing, a non church kids thing, or just day by day with the people around you. Gosh, maybe you even have grandchildren by now, what a scary thought. Me a grandparent, when I don't even feel that I make much of a good parent.
Did I do okay with the boys, have they turned out alright. If they went through school more or less the normal way they will both be well out of university now and established in careers maybe. Remember one thing and one thing only. It really doesn't matter what they choose to do with their lives, as long as they are okay with God, and they are relatively happy with their lives. Do they make good parents, or will they one day? Are they fine upstanding young men? Oh ZOË if they are not, don't despair. Despair is a horrible place to live, and it helps no-one. No-one else has the right to say this to you, but me, and I am telling it to you straight, if you are in that place you have to do everything that is possible to get yourself out of it. No, it's probably not your fault, but that doesn't matter right now, take control. Don't let the enemy win.
KIDZ KLUB? Did you reach the kids out there? Did you manage to find a way? Did Jabez really work? Oh the whole idea sounds so exciting, so big, so huge, so scary. But our God is a great God, and we should ask him for great things.
I could go on and on and on, for a very long time, without running out of things to say, but I have to stop somewhere, and here it will be.
ZOË enjoy the rest of your life. Enjoy the challenges God sends, Have Fun with God, Get to know him even better tomorrow than you do today. LOVE YOU!