social spark Aisling Beatha: Who Was Crechemom - BLOGATHON 2007 Post 9

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Who Was Crechemom - BLOGATHON 2007 Post 9

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I was going to write a whole piece about how and why I came to write this, but I think it stands on it's own. Those of you who have known me for a while might remember it, but all should find something in it, I think. Does it make you think about your own life? About the labels you have claimed for yourself?


CRECHEMOM?
Who is she?
Why do I want to leave her behind?

Crechemom came about over 7 years ago. I had young children who were both under 5 and so took my turn on the rota in our church nursery, or crèche as we call it.

Then, one day I was asked to take over leading the crèche, a task which I took on with great enthusiasm, even being in there most weeks at times. For our church children’s Sunday School, and therefore crèche time, happen during the sermon part of the adults meeting, so that meant I gave up a lot of input to be with these children.

I sometimes wonder how much of that was right and how much of it was over enthusiasm on my part. I had my reasons, and they were good ones, or so I thought, but was I right? That doesn’t matter any more.

At that time I began to have more access to the Internet and was looking for a screen name and so, Crechemom was born. My new identity. It described some of what I did and it also described something of my calling, my destiny in God.

I was only just, at that stage, beginning to understand what a calling was and in the early stages of understanding that God was calling me to children. Looking back over my life I can say that God was surely calling me to children long before that, long before I even knew God. I even chose Primary teaching (5 – 11 year olds) as a career, although subsequent events meant I never made it through college.

Then, after both of my children had moved up out of the crèche and I was still happily working away in there, the leadership of our church approached me and asked me to move up to the 5 – 11 year old age group. Not just to take my turn on the rota, but to take over as leader of Sunday School. That was a big step for me and one I took with some trepidation. I didn’t believe I had the skills and I certainly had no training, but I learnt fast, or should I say, we learnt fast together, the children and I.

I was eager in searching out new ideas, new songs and activities even new ways of doing Sunday School. Some of these were great successes and some of them were plain and simple MISTAKES. A result of my enthusiasm for all things new and different. Quite right for the churches implementing them successfully, but not God’s plan for OUR fellowship.

I don’t recall having particularly been dwelling on these past mistakes, but last year was a tough year for me that brought it own tests, it’s own mistakes. Towards the late autumn and early preparations for Christmas I began to become keenly aware of the need to be doing what was God’s idea for me, not just what was good idea that I found.

This unsettled feeling even spread over into the rest of my life, seriously affecting my plans and preparations for Christmas.

I had been quite open about feeling this way on my Blog, and may have mentioned it on an internet message board I became part of last year, Women @ Home. One of the women I had come to know through the message board commented that I had been through a lot during the months she had known me and suggested it might be time to take a break from my work with the children in church. I don’t know if she knew she was speaking a direct word from God, but it surely was. Thank you Jamie, I owe you one.

My first reaction to this suggestion was not positive. I was adamant that there was no way I could leave the children’s work, I didn’t want to, and anyway, what would they do without me? However, I began to se that I had allowed what I did to define who I was in the eyes of others around me and myself.

So, late last year I approached a friend at church, who happens to be on the leadership team and was, at the time my small group leader. I asked her what she thought of the possibility of me taking a break from the children for a while to wait on God for clarification.

Her first reaction was a guarded one. She said there is nothing wrong in principal, but asked for time to pray. I am so glad she did. She came back to me to say that, yes, she thought it was a good idea. That God had given her a picture of a ship, going into dry dock, for a complete overhaul and refit, and then being released into deeper waters.

I remember not being so sure that I liked the sound of deeper waters, but being so clear that I wanted to do what God wanted. So I took the next step. I approached the lady on the leadership team who was responsible for my work with the children.

Her response was astounding. Well, it was to me anyway. She said that God had been talking to her THAT MORNING about giving me a break from the children and that yes, it was okay with her and they would work something out for the children. The next person to approach was the other main member of the team, to let him know what was happening. I was even more amazed when he said that he had noticed I hadn’t been myself lately and he was going to say something soon if I hadn’t.

So, you see, God had all of this planned and prepared for before I had the slightest idea what was happening. And, at the end of last year, I stepped into what I thought was a sabbatical from the work with the children at church.

The first couple of weeks were quite hard. Especially when what the children were doing prophetically in play was recognised and focussed on in the Sunday morning meeting. That was something I had fought for the whole time I was leading them.

I even admit to getting angry at God. I told him that I knew he had called me to children, that I had prophetic word after prophetic word to prove it and I probably questioned his sanity in pulling me out. However, at this time I was also prompted, by another prophetic word, to go back through all of mine, particularly those from between 1996 and 1998.

And there they were. Children. All over these words, Children. But I noticed something I had known before but had forgotten.

God NEVER actually spoke about children within the church. And I am continually reminded by that same friend who is on the leadership team that my calling and destiny is actually far bigger and wider than children. That God has said that in the past, the evidence is in my prophetic words. I think that I am finally, beginning to believe it.

It has been a roller coaster 2 months for me since then. God has been giving me pictures and words that I am assured by others are vitally important for our church at this time. Not all the time. I don’t mean to give the impression that they are pouring out, but I am seeing and hearing far more clearly than I have ever done before.

Just a few weeks ago that friend, pulled me together with 2 other women, saying that she thought God was making some sort of extra connection between the 4 of us and has asked me to pass on to each of them anything I get that I think might be from God.

One of these women I hardly knew a few months ago, but I have grown to know her quite well in that time. We have some amazing times on MSN, where God is speaking and revealing stuff to us and we have a great time too.

That brings me up to right now.

Who is Crechemom?
She is an identity I allowed to be created for myself that kept my vision limited, my destiny capped capped at a certain level and allowed the enemy to kept my head down, not looking to the sky.

Why do I want to leave her behind?
I am no longer that woman. My identity is NOT in what I do, it’s in who I am in God. And God has shown me I have a future that does indeed include ministering to some really hurting and broken children OUTSIDE the church, but that there is so much more for me than that.

I am no longer that woman who believed that all she was good for was children’s Sunday School and didn’t even believe she was very good at that.

I have a new vision, a new hope.

Goodbye Crechemom. It was nice knowing you, but I need to throw you off and let a new me emerge.

Zoë

Plain and simple. Just me. All out for what God wants to do in my life. Just ME!

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