social spark Aisling Beatha: February 2009


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Friday, February 13, 2009

CPAP update

After a few rough nights where the mask was leaking often and quickly, I had a much better night last night.
I managed at least 3 hours, possibly as much as 3 and a half, and only had to refit my mask once, during that time!
here's to an even better night tonight.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

CPAP update!

I am tired this morning!

Last night I got through an hour and 15 minutes before my mask leaked and woke me up!
But after that I just couldn't get it to sit right again, so it was leaking after just 12 or 13 minutes, and I have a 10 minute settling period, so only 2 or 3 of those were at normal pressure.

After dealing with that a few times I gave up.

And I am already falling asleep at the computer desk, and it's only 10 to 9. BUT I was up earlier than usual because 14 year old spent the night on sofa because he's ill, and hubby slept on other sofa. Hubby had to head to work early, so I had to take over watching son. he's now on big sofa and asleep again. The small sofa is too small for me to sleep on.

BUT for this tiredness to be UNUSUAL compared to the last week at least, that means the last week I've actually been having more energy than I had been! And thinking about it, YES, I have been aware of that. Not back to normal, not by a long shot, but certainly a little bit more than I had become used to. This is progress! I will take and celebrate every little bit of progress I can get.

Hopefully when son wakes up he'll be well enough for me to nip upstairs later for a nap with machine on.
Hey, maybe I'll take video camera with me, so you can see how I have things set up.

Monday, February 09, 2009

a Poem

I picked up a book of poems by Stewart Henderson yesterday. he is one of my favourite Christian poets, I even did a poetry writing workshop with him back in my late teens. Went all the way to London for it.

Well, yesterday at church I found a copy of one of his books on the 2nd hand table where people put things that are free to a new home.

I just love this poem and wanted to share it with you.


He always leaves the toilet seat up
and sometime's he's splashed
It must have been a woman
who invented the pedestal mat
An expression of an ironic protest
that is now essential furnishing
On waking, he makes the most bizarre noises
he sounds like a beached walrus belching
and blowing an off key trumpet
whilst revving up a Harley Davidson
Why is this so?
Why are there bristles in the basin?
And the untidiness
What does one sock on top of the ottoman mean?
Do you take this hurricane to be your
lawful wedded husband?
Is this him being himself?
Do I feel disillusioned?
Do I feel resentful and used?
Could he cope if I screamed at him?
Can any man ever take failure?
Am I nagging or am I pleading
for the real him to be him
and hold the real me?
Why can't he be vulnerable yet strong
at the same time?
precarious thing, Love.

Monday, February 02, 2009

CPAP update

Well, I have had my CPAP machine for over a week now. I do start every night with it, but am still having problems.
People have been telling me it could take a month or more to get used to it so I am not worried at the moment, but I am not enjoying the process. I'm hanging in there because I know it will get better.

A lot of people suffer with a dry nose, NOT ME, I get a dry mouth and throat.
And if you wake up in the night with your mask leaking and your mouth so darned dry your lips are stuck to your gums, it's quite a palava to get a drink, the mask refitted and back off to sleep. I do try and most nights I manage at least 2 hours, with the best nights going up to 3 and a half hours. But I've had two really bad nights, where I did not even get to 2 hours with the mask on. One of those was last night. The settling down went ok, with the mask fitting nicely, but once I woke up it was jsut a nightmare and I could not get it to fit quite right after that, grrhhhh! So today I am not feeling good!

I'm also getting a headache a lot of the time. Not a really bad one, just enough to be annoying.

I KNOW that this will get better! I know that God has a better plan this, I KNOW that He wants to actually bring full healing so that I don't need this any more.
But in the meantime I have to live with this, and right now it's not fun.
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