social spark Aisling Beatha


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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

On Monday, I was reading some Daybook entries and I came across the blog of Liz Tolsma. One of her Daybook replies talked about their adopted daughter and how she is beginning to feel at ease with them in a deeper way.

I am thankful for...Jonalyn's attachment. Last night she bumped her head on the corner of the wall. Nothing major, but she looked stunned. I tried to comfort her, but with my bad back, I can't pick her up. Doug did and she clung to him and cried and cried. Those outside of adoption circles might think we're crazy rejoicing over our daughter's tears. But she finally feels at ease enough with us to let us comfort her and to show us her tears.

It made me think about how God is with us.
Some of us throw guilt trips on ourselves if we have a problem and our immediate reaction is not to go to God. We fear He will want to punish us, or will withhold His help from us because we didn't go to Him first. More often than not these are not spoken fears, they are things that we don't even put into words for ourselves, but our actions and reactions betray us and show what we really believe about How God responds to us.
And if we dare to actively hide from god on a situation (oh how I do this at times), maybe because we are afraid of what He will ask of us, or afraid that He will punish us for whatever that issue is, then our guilt trip only increases.

But HE isn't like that.
And as I read Liz's answer I could just see God, as this loving Father, far from being angry because we don't allow Him in at times like that, but instead being broken hearted, just SO desperate for us to give Him permission to work in our hearts, desperate for us to allow Him to comfort us.
And oh, His tears of joy when we finally respond with trust, when we finally say "Daddy, I can't cope with this alone, I need You and I believe in Your love for me, I believe that You will love me even in this." Oh the joy, the unspeakable joy.

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