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Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy your stay, however short, and find something that interests and blesses you.

The tabs just below will take you to posts of particular topics. So if you are looking for my posts on food, fitness or creativity, you will find them there. You will also find my posts on thankfulness or other more contemplative posts, as well as a set of posts with traditional blessings from a number of different cultures.

You can find posts with labels not included in that list via the labels list over in the sidebar.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

CPAP Diaries 2


I truly thought I had posted part 2 to my Blog, but in looking today I see that 1 and 3 were here but not 2.
So I apologise fro these not being in the right order.
I'll be making a written post tomorrow since I will have had the machine for one week tomorrow morning.

Friday, January 23, 2009

CPAP Diaries Part 1


I GOT MY MACHINE.
So I thought I'd do a video blog. More of those to come.

Watch out for an update tomorrow on how my night went.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

So, what does sleep apnoea mean to me?

If you saw this as an empty post earlier, I apologise, my hand slipped and I posted it just as I had typed the title!

So, you've had some fairly good explanations of the technicality behind what sleep apnoea is, before now.
What I want to share with you is how it affects me personally, on this, the week I will finally receive my CPAP machine.

I have always been a snorer. It runs in the family. Dad snores, I snores, my sons snore.

I have always had problem tonsils, in fact if I have the story right the doctors got to the point when I was a kid that they told mom and dad if i got tonsillitis again they would take my tonsils out, but then I didn't get it again for a while. I have had tonsillitis a few times as an adult and to be honest don't even bother going to the GP, because it is never the horrendous cases I used to get as a kid and there's nothing they can do for it anyway.

I have spent much of my life overweight. I was a podgy child, I lost weight in my teens and then put it all back on again as a young mother. I am now clinically obese and have been for years. I have tried to lose weight at various times with varying amounts of success, but always end up back where I started, eventually.

THAT is not the future I want!

Why am I telling you this? Because these 3 issues are all factors in Sleep Apnoea.
The biggest factor of all being the weight, because that will always make this condition worse.
So, why don't I just lose the weight, and keep it off and solve the problem that way?
I have tried, but as my sleep apnoea symptoms have worsened, it has become harder and harder to find the energy to cook proper meals and harder and harder to find the energy to even do housework let alone add in exercise, which I know is essential for me to lose the amounts I need to lose.
So in the end I have got stuck in a vicious cycle which only gets worse and worse.

How long have I been suffering what I consider to be sleep apnoea symptoms?
I would say that seriously I must have had it for at least 4 or 5 years now, this lack of energy, this daytime tiredness, but I did not seek help at first, because I "Knew" that the doctor would just tell me to lose weight and go home. At that point in time I had not thought it was sleep apnoea, and so carried on as best as I could thinking if only I could lose the weight it would be fine.
After a couple of years of that my symptoms got worse, around the time when my son went to 6th form. I was driving 12 miles each way a number of times a week, and at least 3 or 4 miles each way the rest of the week. Not a lot, not a problem, well, not if you can stay awake. And his school pick ups would often come at what was my worst time of the day for tiredness. It was hard. I kept cola, caffeine tablets, and an anti viral nasal spray in the car to keep me awake. If you think the nasal spray is an odd thing to have in a list of things to keep you awake, you've obviously never used one of those things, WOW does it make sure you're awake, for a while at least.
Once I actually fell asleep driving, thankfully I hit the kerb and that woke me up.

That frightened me enough to finally go see the doctor, although I didn't tell him about the falling asleep driving, I did stress how tired I was and how little energy I had and so on. I was by now convinced I had sleep apnoea.
I did not see my usual GP. Our surgery is a large surgery, and is also a training practice. Every year we have 2 doctors who are on the final year of their GP training. I saw one of those doctors. By now I had begun to do my own research, and I was pretty convinced I had sleep apnoea, everything seemed to fit, so I went and told her so. She refused to refer me for a sleep study, because my husband could not say he had heard me stop breathing in the night while I was snoring. I was incredulous, I mean, just because he hasn't witnessed it means it hasn't happened?
So they did all the usual blood tests for tiredness and lack of energy, iron levels, diabetes, thyroid and EVERYTHING came back normal!

I should have pursued this further back then, but I didn't, she had basically left me with the distinct impression that my original assumption had been correct and that all they were going to do was assume it was because of my weight and therefore my own stupid fault and just tell me to go away and lose it. Oh yes, they even offered me exercise on prescription, which is a fantastic scheme if you get free prescriptions, if not it actually ends up costing more than a gym membership and I couldn't afford one of those!

Anyway, add another 2 years to the story, and earlier this year my symptoms racked up another notch. I can't pinpoint when exactly but I gradually began to be aware that I was FREQUENTLY falling asleep
  • At the computer desk
  • seated on the sofa
  • as a passenger in the car
  • even during a sermon in church
  • finally even during lively worship in church
  • ALWAYS if I lay on the sofa
  • and so on
At the same time I became more and more aware of my night wakings. I would wake, sit bolt upright on the side of the bed and fall back to sleep right there, only waking again when muscle tone dropped and I fell over. I was falling asleep on the toilet in the middle of the night and all sorts. It was quite frightening.
I was starting to get neck cricks form the falling asleep sat up, and I was often biting my tongue when alseep in that position. I researched sleep apnoea again and I KNEW that this was what I had, what I didn't know was how to convince the GP.

BUT STILL I was tired, falling asleep etc. I researched some more and found a chart where you fill in how often you are likely to fall asleep in a number of different situations. If your result was 11 or more, you should consult your GP with regards sleep apnoea being a possibility. Mine came out at 17 or 18, which the chart considers even a risk of narcolepsy! So I took that with me on yet another visit to the GP. This time was very interesting, I was armed with my chart, I was armed with the knowledge that Andrew would now happily say he had heard me stop breathing in the night, because he had!
Now, I mentioned that our surgery is a training surgery, they are expanding their training services and this time there was a very young newly qualified doctor, considering a move to GP work, sitting in on the appointment. It was clear my GP was not happy about me researching myself, and he had this guy run through all the other possible reasons for tiredness and lack of energy, and insisted on referring me for the blood tests. Anyway I finally got him to refer me for an appointment with the sleep clinic.

I had to wait over 12 weeks for my appointment at the hospital. 3 months of symptoms getting worse again, meanwhile we started with the whole round of blood tests again, la de da! One did not come back normal and concerned them because ti was away from normal the opposite way to the way it normally is if there's a problem, I researched it online and discovered this was a common result in obese people and would return to normal when weight reduced. And that it wasn't a health threat in itself just a warning.

So finally, back in November I was due to see my sleep specialist, Mr Moudgil at the Princess Royal Hospital in Telford, Shropshire. I actually got to see him a few weeks early because they added in an extra clinic on a weekend. the only thing about weekend clinics is that all the other departments, like x-ray etc, for doing tests are closed, so I had to go back and do those on the Monday.
But in talking with me Mr Moudgil was quite happy that he was sure I was right and I did have Sleep Apnoea. He did not confirm my fears about being lectured about my weight, in fact he confirmed what I had already worked out for myself about the vicious circle and said "Let's get this treated first, then we can get the weight off." WOW, what a revelation, a doctor who took me seriously, a doctor who was willing to do what I needed to get better, WOW.

He suggested it might be an idea for me to see and ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat surgeon) as after one look at my tonsils his first comment was how big they were. He figured that overlarge tonsils just add to all the flesh in the throat that causes the airway to close down and removing them MIGHT solve the problem on it's own.

Some consultants at this point would have made you go research that alternative first, then come back to them, but he didn't, he said eh was quite happy to continue down both tracks of treatment at the same time, then He referred me for a sleep study, which these days involves bringing a machine home and strapping yourself up to it that night, then taking it back the following day. He said that if that came back positive I would probably see one of the technicians to pick up my machine before I saw him again.

Sure enough, the appointment to pick up my machine, came in the post weeks before my letter from him confirming that indeed my sleep study confirmed I have sleep apnoea.

SO, I pick up my machine on friday 23rd January, this week, which is also my birthday!
Then on 11th February I see the ENT to discuss my possible tonsillectomy. However in my letter from Mr Moudgil he did say that having viewed my results he now thought this would HELP rather than CURE, but heck, I'll take all the help I can get.

Tackle It Tuesday


Yes, it's Tuesday again and that means it's time for catching up on something on your to do list.
I was reminded today that it does not have to be housework it can be anything as long as you are crossing something off your to do list.
Over the weekend I was at an awesome conference with Peter Jackson speaking about God's grace. During the weekend a friend lent me a copy of The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I started reading it during the meal break on Saturday and decided to spend the day yesterday on the sofa reading and note taking and praying. BUT my intention was not just to finish this awesome book . . .


No, another friend reminded me I had a borrowed copy of The Shack at home and I decided I would finish the above book and this one.
I did manage to finish the Ragamuffin Gospel and began to head into The Shack, but ran out of time to finish it. Partly because of how many times I stopped to make notes whilst reading the Ragamuffin Gospel and partly because I spent so long napping, with my sleep apnoea.


Finally, this afternoon I have had time to sit down and finish The Shack.
I am worn out, drained, tired.
What an awesome journey.
Sadly someone had already let slip on their blog, the physical nature one of the characters appears in so I already knew and didn't have the surprise at that. I won't spoil it for you.
If you have ever wondered whether god REALLY loves you, if you have ever spent ages punishing yourself for past mistakes, if you have ever felt that heavy weight of guilt and condemnation for not doing this, not doing that, not being enough of one thing or being too much of another, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK, or in fact both of these books.

To have made the journey through one before making the journey through the other, in some ways made the 2nd easier to read and in others just made all the more intense.
Thank You LORD.

I keep thinking abotu the journey made by the cetnral character in the book and how it mirrors my journey to come. I do hope my spiritual Boots are ready for it.

So, that was my tackle it for today. If you are interested in taking part or interested in just reading what other people have tackled today, head on over to the main page by clicking on the banner at the top of this post.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Prayer

From "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning.

A little child cannot do a bad colouring; nor can a child of God do a bad prayer. "A father is delights when his little one, leaving off her toys and friends, runs to him and climbs into his arms. As he holds his little one close to him, he cares little whether the child is looking around, her attention flitting from one thing to another, or just settling down to sleep. Essentially the child is choosing to BE WITH her father, confident of the Love, the care, the security that is hers in those arms.
Our prayer is much like that. We settle down in our Fathers arms, in his loving hands. Our mind, our thoughts, our imagination may flit about here and there; we might even fall asleep; but essentially we are choosing for this time to remain intimately WITH our father, giving ourselves to him, receiving his love and care, letting him enjoy us as he will.
It is a very simple prayer. It is very childlike prayer. It is prayer that opens us out to all the delights of the Kingdom."

Jesus' tenderness is not in any way determined by how we pray or what we are or do. in order to free us for compassion toward others, Jesus calls us to accept his compassion in our own lives, to become gentle, caring, compassionate, and forgiving toward ourselves in our failure and need.
Compassion for others is not a simple virtue because it avoids snap judgements - right or wrong, good or bad, hero or villain; it seeks truth in all its complexity. Genuine compassion means that in empathising with the failed plans and uncertain lives of the other person, we send out the vibration, "YES, ragamuffin, I understand, I've been there too."

Worship Without Words

AWESOME worship!
If you are in the area of Shropshire or mid Wales that means a village near Shrewsbury is accessible to you, you really need to head to Brockton Christian Fellowship next time there is a conference on.

We have just had the MOST amazing weekend, with Peter Jackson and learning all about the GRACE of God.
When there are conferences on at Brockton a couple from Welshpool come and lead the worship. It was AWESOME! Just awesome. And at one point we were just flying in the spirit. And I couldn't sing any more. Not because of my energy issues that sometimes hold me back in worship, nothing like that. I just couldn't sing, the presence of God was so tangible, there were NO WORDS.

Worship Without Words
Giving
Receiving
Heart Response
Overflowing
Pouring
Increasing
Two way flow
To and Fro
To God, From god
Worship of the heart
Without Words
Without End
Overwhelming.

The Simple Woman's DayBook


FOR TODAY Monday 19th January 2009...

Outside my window...
It's dismal and a likely to rain. Good day to have chosen to stay in and read huh?

I am thinking...
about how to share all the wonderful things I heard this weekend about God's Grace.
Oh, and about a very silly joke too, but I might save that for Friday funnies.

I am thankful for...
A God who loves me as much as He loves Jesus, and who would love me the same whether I raised the dead or took a nap. Which is kind of a relief to a sleep apnoea sufferer!

From the learning rooms...
Like I said, we don't home school. Eldest has more exams this week. Hopefully he has done enough preparation for them and will do ok, but you never know. Personally I have learnt so much this weekend and will continue to learn during the week. Today I am spending the day reading some very important books. And on Friday I expect to learn all about how to use a CPAP machine.

From the kitchen...
I'm keeping things simple at lunch and using up leftovers. Dinner should be sizzled chicken and parsley mash, but we'll have to see about that.

I am wearing...
Some comfortable sweat pants and a large red shirt. When it gets cold I shall throw on my big green jumper.

I am creating...
A safe space to sit and read all day today! I also will be doing some photography and scrap booking this week.

I am going...
To have to get out and about to get some of the photos I want this week. That could be interesting because I will be using the buses again and I'm still not sure where all the routes go. But we'll find out!

I am reading...
I've hinted at this a couple of times, but today I have set aside to read! Over the weekend at a conference all about god's Grace i began to read the Ragamuffin Gospel my Brennan Manning. I need to finish that. I was also reminded that I have a borrowed copy of The Shack I need to get through. If i finish both of those I would also like to re read "The Father You've Been Waiting For" by Mark Stibbe. So if you need me, I'll be on the sofa!

I am hoping...
NO, I am BELIEVING! that this CPAP machine will change my life. I am believing that I will have more energy, feel more alive, be more alert, just generally much better.

I am hearing...
The noise of two boys getting ready for school and college. Actually I'm only hearing one, excuse me while I go yell at the other to get up!

Around the house...
My hubby helped with some chores over the weekend, so there's nothing that's urgent for today, but tomorrow I would like to tidy the hallway and stairs and get it vacuumed.

One of my favourite things...
Is that it is my birthday this week. I have a birthday badge to wear that day, because ti is also the day I get to go pick up my CPAP machine.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Get out and take the photos I need. Work on the hall and stairs, Keep kitchen tidy Keep dining room tidy Contact lady at church who wants chest freezer, arrange delivery. Write to schools visited before Christmas. CONSIDER FUTURE pray journal yeah, that kind of thing.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

So, if you want to take part in the Simple Woman's Day Book, or merely to read mroe entries, please head on over to her page by clicking on the banner at the top of this post.
In the meantime I hope you all have a blessed Monday

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Do You Believe It?

Someone on W@H asked what God was teaching us today!
And I wrote out this explanation and felt I needed to share it on here.

Grace and belief.

I have to breathe, I HAVE TO believe!
I mean, REALLY believe, not just believe in Him but believe him. Every single word he has ever spoken, every thing he has ever said, Every word written in HIS Word, every single word of prophecy He ever spoke over me, IT'S ALL TRUE!!!!!

And the most important question is "DO I believe that he loves me, I mean really loves me, that KNOWING every evil thing within me, knowing all my hurt and pain, all my judgements, and assumptions, fussiness, legalism, refusal to love those who really need love, spitefulness and selfishness. Knowing every skeleton in my closet, every moment of sin, shame, and degraded love, my shallow faith, my feeble prayer life, my inconsistent discipleship, knowing all of that, HE LOVES ME THE WAY I AM. He doesn't love me the way I should be, He loves me the way I am. Do I REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

Do I really believe that NO MATTER WHAT I do, He will never love me any more or any less than He does now, and that RIGHT NOW, IN MY SIN, He love ME just as much as He loves Jesus! Do I believe it?
Do I believe that if I change and make myself better He will not love me more, do I believe that if I never make any attempt to be better, if I have no intention of ever even trying, He won't love me less? Do I believe it. Because He said it!
Dare I risk believing it?

Do I believe that just as I CANNOT earn my salvation, I can in NO WAY earn my sanctification either? That it's ALL HIM! ALL HIM! ALL HIM!

New Creativity Class

Shimelle is offering a short free class this week.


And it's perfect timing for me!
If you go to the explanation page for the class, you will find this description:
For the last seven years, I have made a layout called ‘Right Now’ during the week of my birthday. This year’s layout is above and you can see more about that here. The Creating Garden is filled with ideas for scrapping yourself this month and I was excited to share my little ‘Right Now’ tradition. But the current time of year also got me thinking…we do a lot of plotting out plans, hopes and resolutions in January, but not as much documenting of what just is. ......
…an idea that has worked for seven years of layouts (so I’m obviously pretty happy that it’s worth continuing) that has been rethought and reinvented into something a little more complex that I’d like to share with anyone who is interested. And you’ll probably put your own unique spin on it too, and the cycle starts over. Are you in?

THIS WEEK it IS my birthday!
THIS WEEK I get my CPAP machine and life changes.
THIS WEEK I intend to spend a day on the sofa catching up with some life changing reading.
THIS WEEK I have a head full of all sorts of quotes and lessons and things about the true grace of God!

I'm IN!

We just looked at our budget yesterday and realised how poorly we have controlled spending over the Christmas period. So there is ZERO money for supplies for this class. I did splash out on a boo to make this in. I just bought a spiral bound pad of 12 sheets of heavier water colour paper. That gives me up to 24 pages if I need them. Everything else will have to come out of stash! So this should be interesting.

It's All True

Everything God ever said.
Every word he ever spoke.
Everything it says in His Word.
Every word He has spoken over you in prophecy.

It's ALL true!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Thankful Thursday




Another Thursday and Another list of reasons to be thankful!

This week I am thankful
  • That youngest son found a free course he is eligible for in the Medical Department at a local university. It's for gifted and talented 14 - 16 year olds who are interested in studying medicine in the future. At 14, he'll be one of the youngest, but that's OK. School have agreed to the day off and are booking his place.
  • That eldest appears to be taking his exams more seriously this year. He's still not approaching them how I would like, but it's better than last time so I have to be thankful for that.
  • That hubby has a stable job in the midst of the current economic climate. I praise God for the fact that the his company is forward thinking and involved in future technologies. I wish he wasn't working so many hours all the time, but it's only for a season.
  • For the words that God has spoken about removing the last of the shame, removing the reproach and erasing the effect of negative words previously spoken over me. I truly feel different already.
  • For my upcoming treatment with CPAP machine (not until NEXT Friday, so 8 days to go), and subsequent return to decent energy levels.
  • For a visiting speaker who is coming to a nearby (well 45 minutes drive away) church this coming weekend. It will be good to hear him speak and to catch up with old friends who now attend there.
  • For an offer of a lift to the above meetings, because I am currently not allowed to drive because of my sleep apnoea.
  • For my free bus pass to replace my revoked driving licence, it means I can get out and go places for free!
  • For all the things that God has promised me and the church I attend in the past that is he is NOW working to bring to pass, especially those ones that are really close to fruition, BRING IT ON LORD!
So, are you thankful today? Why not share the things that make you thankful and participate in Thankful Thursday by clicking on the banner at the top of this post.
See you over there!

Tell Me Thursday

So, yesterday you saw my Wordless Wednesday post.
And today I will share the story behind those pictures with Tell Me Thursday.

It's easy to participate IF AND WHEN the original site starts going again:
1. Participate in Wordless Wednesday.
2. On the following day (Thursday) write a blog post telling the story behind that week’s Wordless Wednesday photo. Make sure that in your post you put a link back to your original photo so that new visitors can find out what in the world you are talking about! :-)
3. Visit Tell Me Thursday (Now here's the problem, the last post over there before Christmas said to watch for changes in the new year, and there has been no post since.) each Thursday and add the link and a comment to your description post.
So, in Yesterday's post you saw a number of old photos. The first three are of my grandfather on my fathers side, at 3 stages of life.
The 2nd two include my Father at 2 stages of childhood.
I love comparing thee two in particular.

My Father and my grandfather. See any family resemblance? WOW!

So, if there is a story to tell behind your Wordless Wednesday post, why not share the story. You don't need to wait for tell Me thursday to start back up, you can tell the story anyway!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Works For me Wednesday


This week for Works For me Wednesday I have a treat for you, a Vlog post from me!

So, if you want to participate in Works for me Wednesday or just to read some other ideas, head on over to the main page by clicking on the banner at the top of this post.
See you over there . . .

video

Wordless Wednesday

A number of photos to share this week.
First these three:




Then these two:



Check back in tomorrow for Tell Me Thursday if you want the story behind the photos. And why not think about taking part yourself, if you have participated in Wordless Wednesday today.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tupperware Breeding Farm - Tackle It Tuesday

I swear that's what the big drawer in my kitchen had become, a Tupperware breeding farm.

So, for this week's Tackle it Tuesday, I decided to deal with it!


When I first started the morning, the pile of plastic containers in the big drawer, looked like this:


With another pile up on the shelves I store my pans on, like this:


So, I got it all out onto the stove top and counters and cleaned out the drawer:


Then I disposed of everything that wasn't part of 2 different types. Yes, I threw everything else out. Most of it was mismatched anyway, you couldn't find lids to fit the tubs we had and you couldn't find tubs to go with the lids we had. So out it all went:


Then, I put back in what I was keeping.


Popped into town to buy some more, because I had seen it was on offer, and put that in to join it. And finally a neat, tidy plastic tubs drawer where I can be certain every tub has a lid and every lid has a tub!


So, if you have a "tackle" you want to share, head on over to the main page, by clicking on the banner at the top of this post, and you'll be able to link to whomever is the guest blogger for this week and join on in!

Monday, January 12, 2009

What Is Sleep Apnea?


Video 5

What Is Sleep Apnea?


Video 4

What Is Sleep Apnea?


Video 3

What Is Sleep Apnea?


Video 2

What Is Sleep Apnea?


Here we go, a series of videos that explain it so clearly!

The Simple Womans Day Book

~*~*~*~*~


FOR TODAY, Monday 12th January 2009...
I WAS going to make this post by VLOG, but the microphone seems not to be working, and I'll have to wait until hubby gets home and can have a look at it for me.

Outside my window...
it is fairly grey and dark, I reckon it's raining but I can't tell from here.

I am thinking...
About all the wonderful friends I will get to meet when I finally come to America!

I am thankful for...
My free bus pass which arrived on Saturday. I can now travel ANYWHERE IN ENGLAND for free, as long as it is on a LOCAL bus, not a long distance coach of any sort. I will be working on some posts on how far I could get in a day later in the month.

From the learning rooms...
We don't homeschool, but both boys are doing well in school and college. Matthew had an exam paper last week and has another this week. This is a retake of a media studies exam where they have to watch a video and then answer questions on it, but he's the only one retaking this paper, so they've got him in one of the staff offices, rather than a whole exam room! Michael's doing very well still, still determined to go on to do medicine and so on.

From the kitchen...
I am back onto weight watchers, so everything is low fat, but lots of it! Except bread, I miss bread. Doing well though and lost 2 pounds in the first week.

I am wearing...
Red jersey top and blue jeans.

I am creating...
not a lot because my desk that is my creative area is currently covered in junk that was put on or under or around it over Christmas. Must get that cleared off this week.

I am going...
TO AMERICA. Had you missed that fact? heeheeee. I don't know when, it might be before the summer, although unlikely, it might be in the autumn, or it might be after Christmas, so NEXT YEAR, but I know that I know that I know, that I am coming!

I am reading...
Not a lot really. Between spending far too much time on the computer and possibly hours a day taking naps, because of the sleep apnoea, that doesn't leave much time for reading. I do have a borrowed copy of The Shack which I need to read and return at some point, so that is the priority.

I am hoping...
For the weather to stay above freezing this week and for Andrew to have a good week at work with his American visitors.

I am hearing...
Nothing other than the hum of my new freezer. We have gone form a small square chest freezer to a large upright. Very excited! I will be able to FIND things in the freezer rather than digging around in the bottom for things which I think are in there but can't find!

Around the house...
Today I want to get my tupperware sorted out, I want to throw out all the mismatched bits and keep only two types, I am then heading out to buy some more, which I saw on offer this week, and the offer ends tomorrow.

One of my favorite things...
I don't DO favourites. My tastes are many and varied, I like lots of different things, get used to it!

A few plans for the rest of the week:
Get that desk cleared off, clean the stove top in the kitchen and clear and vacuum the hall carpet!

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

So that's it. If you want to participate, head on over to the Simple Woman's Day Book page and see all the other participants.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

99 questions - final installment

76.Do I know where my money is going?
I know where what i spend goes, but not what hubby spends. I try over and over to get him to do regular budget things with me and it just falls by the wayside.


77.Do I have a handle on my finances?
I think so, yes.


78.Do I have a financial plan for the future?
Not as good as we would like, but hoping to improve that.


79.Do I know where my time is going?
Sadly far too much of it goes in frivolous time on the computer and equally far too much of it goes on sleeping, napping, whatever.


80.Have I created an efficient time management system for myself?
I used to be really good at this stuff, but with sleep Apnoea and no energy, and whatever, I just haven't. I would like to do so again once my energy levels improve.


81.What are the three biggest priorities in my life?
Apart from God, I would say my husband, the boys and friends.


82.Who are the most important people in the world to me?
My husband, the boys and friend from w@h.


83.Who loves me? Who cares for me?
I know that my husband does but sometimes he has a really hard time remembering that in his small every day actions!
I hope my boys do, but at 14 and 17 they don't even want to walk next to me in town, let alone admit they love me.
I know I am loved at w@h, not necessarily by everyone and not at the same level by everyone, but I know that there, there are women who TRULY love me for who I am, not for any other reason. And they are the best!
I think there are people at church who love me, but I haven't put any of that to the test recently.


84.Are my living and work areas organized in a way that serves me well?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO Should I do something about this? yes. Will I any time soon? probably not.


85.Do I have a healthy lifestyle?
NOPE, but I am working on that. I am working on weight watchers online and am beginning to increase my level of activity even before I get my CPAP machine.


86.Am I carrying any emotional baggage?
There was stuff, but I have dealt with most of it. If there is anything left, it's not something I am currently aware of.


87.Have I let go of the mistakes I’ve made in the past?
All the big ones, from the longer past, yes, done, it's the smaller every day ones I have a hard time with.


88.Do I give myself permission to fail?
I need to be better about this than I have been in the past. I think I am growing in this are, but I still beat myself up about things, going over and over them in my head, thinking how foolish a response was, or whatever.


89. Do I learn from my mistakes?
I like to think so.

Do I always put into practice what I have learned?
Not as much as I could, but doing ok.


90. Do I rebound quickly when something goes wrong?
It takes me a while, I explode, need space to simmer, then calm down. Pretty much rebound after that, but it depends how deep the hurt was, and whether part of me is intent on hanging on to it.


91.Do my beliefs serve me well?
They are not there for that reason, they are there to serve God, that's the whole purpose, BUT, yes, I'm doing very well in that area at the moment, God loves me, irrevocably!


92. Do I need to relax the rules I’ve set for myself and for others?
yes.


93. What childhood dreams have I been neglecting?
To teach, to share, to learn, to give, to teach.


94. Where have I been giving my power over to others?
eugh! I have no power, it is my god's grace i take each and every breath. But I understand the theory behind the question. How am I allowing other people to treat me in ways which aren't helpful to me?
I am not very good at saying no, or at asking for help.


95. Who are my role models?
Authentic, powerful women of God who are not afraid to be gentle and feminine as well.


96. Am I being authentic?
I am so so so so much better at this than i used to be. Hidden could have been my middle name, but NO MORE!

Do I allow myself to be me? I reckon I do these days, yes.
Am I trying to be somebody I’m not?
I really hope I'm not, I mean, god put so much effort into making me unique, why would I spoil that by trying to be someone else?


97. What if . . . ?
I really lived out the things I say I believe and feel.


98. Why not . . . ?
Stop seeking god for direction and just get on with the direction I'm already on for now, until he reveals further details.


99. How can I . . . ?
Persuade a grown man that acting like a 3 year old and then disciplining your teenagers for doing the same is never going to work?


The Saturday Special

It's Saturday Special Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~Words Ending in ION ~ I Say You Answer~


1. No Decision is still making a decision. It's making the decision to opt out!

2. This Generation belongs to The Who!

3. My Version of Shepherd's Pie is the best in the World.

4. Our Vision is critical to our future but not as much as our values. They will help us continue to relate through differing visions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Join in. It's a really easy meme to complete, just fill in your answer to each prompt! So head on over to the Saturday Special.

Friday, January 09, 2009

TRIP TO AMERICA FUND DETAILS!

OK, So it's here. Are you ready?

I spent a good while on the computer the other night looking at flight costs and transport costs at this end for each of the airports, relative to the flight costs.

The upshot of this is that assuming I will fly into Orlando because that is where most UK flights to Florida go,

I need:
£310 for flights (Flying on Mon - Thurs with Virgin or Tue - Thurs with BA)
£32 for an hotel room at the airport the night before my flight out. (no way to get to the airport early enough otherwise)
£40 for transport to the airport from my town.
£6 for transfers between airport and hotel

So the costs to JUST GET THERE are currently £388
Those prices are valid until the end of June and from the beginning of September, but NOT in July and August.

I know you all want to fight over who I get to stay with, so there's no hotels to worry about, but I need some spending money and I probably ought to consider costs for transport at that end if I want to visit more than just Florida.

So, for round figures lets call the
ABSOLUTE MINIMUM £400
IDEAL MINIMUM £500
IDEAL £600

At current exchange rates those figures are:
ABSOLUTE MINIMUM $606
IDEAL MINIMUM $760
IDEAL $910

The TRIP TO AMERICA FUND BANK ACCOUNT currently stands at £140, or $212

So at least £260 or $394 to go, and preferably a bit more than that.
REMEMBER EXCHANGE RATES CHANGE, so the figures in dollars change, those are correct, today, 9th January 2009.

I am NOT asking anyone to give me money. HEAR THIS AND LISTEN!

The funding for this trip WILL COME, of that I am certain.
Andrew has promised another £25 for my birthday, I'll ask dad to do the same although that will be less. And each and every paid blog post I do will go straight into this fund. if it takes until NEXT YEAR, it WILL happen, I JUST KNOW IT! I know that I know that I know!

99 Questions, part 3

51.Am I kind to myself?
I could do better. Especially with this sleep apnoea. I could go LIE DOWN at the first sign of needing a nap and not put myself through falling asleep sat here at the computer desk. Did I ever mention that I keep biting my tongue when I do that. OUCH!


52.Am I kind to others?
Hmmm, I wonder what Kindness really is. Let's look up a definition:
  • kindness - the quality of being warmhearted and considerate and humane and sympathetic
  • kindness - forgivingness: tendency to be kind and forgiving
  • kindness - a kind act
I'll be honest and say in some situations, especially those where I feel under attack, my first reaction is NOT to kindness, BUT once I have calmed down and had a chance to review a situation I believe that I do try and extend kindness.


53.Do I take things for granted?
Yes. Without a doubt. Consider having a car and being able to go wherever I wanted, whenever i wanted to, and at no IMMEDIATE cost. Yes, I know the fuel costs and there's repairs and maintenance, BUT I'm talking about needing to have cash, right there in your hand. It's only when that gets taken away from you and you find yourself having to budget that you have to answer questions like "can I afford to go here? If i go to this place, I won't have enough money to go to that one day after." and so on. And having to answer questions like JUST TO GET A BUS TO THE LOCAL SUPERMARKET, or to the doctors or to church, or whatever.


54.Am I doing what matters most right now?
NO. I want to, I really want to, but I can't seem to focus, can't seem to "connect".


55.Is there an area in my life that needs more attention?
I do need to focus on my health for a while, but actually my spiritual life needs focus. I need to connect with Father God and let him speak.


56.Do I make the best use of my time?
Sometimes sleeping IS the best use of our time, and when you physically have no choice, well. . . Also I think I do spend too much time on the computer, and sometimes use it to avoid doing other things, to avoid having to think about other things,


57.What can I do right now that would make the biggest difference in my life?
Get before God and stay there! Not in order to read, not in order to learn, just to BE!


58.What am I avoiding?
I am avoiding sitting before God. I don't know what to say, I don't know what He wants of me right now, and I'm being awkward and eugh.


59.What am I tolerating/putting up with?
This stupid condition called Sleep apnoea. It needs to GO! I don't want to have to put up with it, I want ti GONE, to have treatment in place, be able to lose some of the weight, lessen the symptoms, even have the tonsils taken out and lessen symptoms more so can have even more energy and lose even more weight.


60.Do I have specific, measurable goals with clear deadlines?
NO! And that's the problem. My job description in my current job provides little definition of specific goals. And I'm not sure what my goals are, what they should be. Again I say I need to sit down with someone I trust and spend time, talking and praying and eating! The eating part of that is very important, heehee! I think the talking and praying go better if there is eating!


61.Do I keep the promises I make to myself?
I don't know. I think I try and refrain from making them.


62.Do I keep the promises I make to others?
On the whole I think so. I'm related to someone who, however well meaning makes extravagant promises, or even simple promises but doesn't follow through. I'm used to that now and so are my kids. That hurts, that they are used it to it, that this person will make a promise and they will just look at me as if to say "We KNOW, it's not going to happen is it".
Because I know how that has made me feel in the past and because I see what it does to the boys I really try to keep my promises to others. Having said that of course, my fluctuating energy levels and slightly altered memory with the sleep apnoea means I don't always manage to do what I had fully intended to do when I had intended to do it.


63.For my life to be perfect, what would have to change?
I can't have a perfect life. I live and imperfect life on an imperfect earth, surrounded my imperfect people. And I am right where god wants me to be. How could I ask to change that?


64.What am I most looking forward to right now?
my BIRTHDAY and CPAP machine collection (on the same day).
And then, of course
My eventual trip to America! Oh YES. I am going. No one can stop me, bit by bit by bit the money comes in, a Christmas gift here, a birthday gift there, every paid blog post I do, and so on an on. We WILL get there eventually!


65.What activities do I perform that give me the least joy? Do they really need doing? Can I delegate or pay someone else to do them?
Washing Dishes makes my back hurt, I HATE doing it, hate it with a passion! BUT I have tried getting hubby to take responsibility for it. In fact for years we have had an official agreement whereby that is his chore. There is nothing else that I regularly ask of him but that, and regularly, more often than not in fact he just doesn't do it.
I've tried getting the boys to do it, but they just fight and argue and moan about whose "turn" it is to do what and end up doing it so badly that half of it has to be done again!

I hate ironing, but basically just don't do it, shirts are hung on hangers as soon as they come out of the washing machine and only need ironing if it is for a very special occasion. I refuse to iron bed linens or underwear, and most of my clothes are "hang and dry" as well!

The remaining chore I hate is vacuuming. Hmmm Absolutely needs doing, rather desperately right now, the carpets are filthy, but I can never get people to pick their stuff up off the floor in order to do the vacuuming. It's not really a job I could pay for someone to do, although I have thought about paying someone to come in and wash the carpets once a year.


66.How can I simplify my life?
Well, I took car driving out of it, heeheee, surely that will do for now. And you know what, I was reading somewhere the other day that actually simplifying means different things for different people and that is OK. If it simplifies your life to order all your groceries online, do it, and if ti simplifies your life to go to the farmers market and choose all local produce, yourself, then do it.


67.Do I see myself as a creative person?
I like to think I am creative but maybe not original in my creativity. Yeah, I like that description.


68.Do I allow myself to be creative?
I don't give myself enough time, space and freedom to do so no. I kind of treat it as second class activity and that all other things must be complete before I can be creative.


69.Can I be spontaneous?
Yes, I CAN be spontaneous. I can drop everything at a moments notice and do something else. I can change plans to do something else that needs doing more.


70.Am I too critical of myself?
I don't know.


71.Am I too critical of others?
Yes, On the whole, yes I am.


72.Do I look at problems from several different angles and perspectives?
Absolutely I really do try to do this. It is certainly not my IMMEDIATE reaction to a situation, don't get me wrong, but when I've had time to think, I really to try and do this.


73.What have I accomplished?
I have laid seeds of Gods love and his Word and his plans in the hearts of dozens of children through teaching Sunday's Cool. I have made a long term difference in the lives of hundreds of children overseas through Operation Christmas child. I have let go of past hurts and pains and allowed God to do a deep work in me, especially this last 12 months.


74.What are the major sources of stress in my life?
My teenagers and their attitudes towards me and each other, and their rooms.


75.How can I reduce stress in my life?
let go and let God!

Final part still to come!

Friday Felicities


Welcome to Friday Felicities, a meme created by Nattie - now a resident of heaven and now run by Becky. This meme is all about creating a list of things that make you happy and Nattie knew that when you concentrate on your blessings your sorrows are not as overwhelming. If you would like to participate please create your own blog post and go to Becky's to link it with other Friday Felicities participants. If you don’t mind, please include a link on your blog to Becky's so others can also participate with us.

These things make my happy:
* I have enough cash in my purse to get the bus to town to meet eldest son for lunch after his maths exam today
* I can get cash from machine in town to get bus home
* Dreaming of a trip to America
* Remembering my trip to Belarus
* Staring at my chocolate bar from Belarus (another post of its own)
* thick sweaters and soft fluffy slippers
* A son who is willing to be seen eating lunch out with his mom at 17 years old

So make your post, tell us what makes you happy and head on over to Becky's page to leave your link and a comment.

Fridays Funnies

Over at Homesteaders heart it is Fridays Funnies day. Click on the image above to be taken to the main page and see other participants. But why not participate yourself. Share something that makes you laugh, a cartoon, a joke, a personal story, anything that makes you laugh!

Here is one of my favourite Vimrod cartoons:

Thank you and goodbye.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Thankful Thursday



Today is time for thankful Thursday again. Click on the image above and you can go visit all the other participants. If you're new to Thankful Thursday, why not have a go. Just make a post listing some of the things you are thankful for and leave your post address in the linky over at the main site. It's really easy and a great way to remind ourselves of all we are blessed with.

This week I am thankful:
  • For all my wonderful doctors appointments that I have coming up
  • I get my CPAP machine on MY BIRTHDAY later this month. That is sooo cool! I mean, what a fantastic birthday gift, I finally get to sleep properly.
  • I see the ENT specialist at the beginning of February to consider removing my tonsils
  • I see the original specialist again in March to see how things are going.
  • That soon I will have my free bus pass. I might not like not being allowed to drive for a while but at least I am being provided for transport wise in the meantime.
  • For this forced time at home that the snow and waiting for bus pass has given. I haven't gone stir crazy yet.
  • For the weekend away in London that hubby and I have booked to celebrate out 15th wedding anniversary next month. I mean, can you imagine we have been married 15 years. I don't feel old enough to have been married 15 years!
  • For the Tesco clubcard points we had accumulated that mean we can go do some of the "sights" in London, such as the open top bus tour, and other things.
  • That I "discovered" a forgotten about savings account which means we can eat out at some nicer places whilst we are in London.
  • That Hubby is still getting plenty of overtime and has allowed me to ahve this month off my job unpaid to consdier which direction God wants to take me for the future.
  • That He gifted me £100 straight into my "Trip to America fund" bank account. It's growing ladies, it's growing!

99 questions - Part 2

26.Do I constantly dwell on the past?
Hmmmmmmm . . . I really try not to, but yes this is one of the things i need to work on and break. I AM working on it and doing much better than i used to though.


27.Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
Oh yes. Apparently, or so I'm told, I have a gift for empathy, but that brings with it a tendency to be like this. I'm so good at putting myself in other people's place, to consider what it's like for them, that if they are being negative I can end up picking it up. I'm particularly bad at this at home, with hubby and the boys. But AGAIN, this is something I am working on and am much better at than I used to be.


28.Do I forgive myself?
It's not easy, and I find it harder to forgive me than others, but on the whole, eventually I think I do.


29.Do I smile often?
Apparently I'm smiling much more than I used to. People have commented on it.


30.Do I laugh often?
Not as often as I would like to. Maybe I should go to a laughter clinic! or just watch loads more funny clips on youtube!


31.Do I surround myself with positive, life-affirming people who want the best for me?
ooooh, Well, I removed myself from the group of people that was sucking the life out of me. But I'm not very good at putting myself out there where relationships are concerned, not very good at asking for what i need with people I'm not certain of.


32.Am I a positive, life-affirming person?
I believe I am, I try to be encouraging and positive most of the time.


33.Am I giving enough time to nurturing/replenishing myself?
I believe I have the time balance right, I just need to learn HOW to use that time more effectively.


34.What is my secret ambition?
I want to change the world! I want to make a difference! I want to fight for the rights of Children to be seen and heard.


35.What do I want to be remembered for at the end of my life?
I wan to be remembered as someone who made a difference, someone without whom the world would have missed something!


36.What does success mean to me?
This is such a hard question. Especially right now.
My church gave me a new job last year exploring the possibility for outreach in the local schools. How do you term success in a job like that? None of the schools are interested in having us in to do assemblies or whatever. I can in there with Operation Christmas child and do multiple assemblies, but just us as a church seem to hit a brick wall. Without the assemblies to make initial contact and invite the kids, how can we ever hope to have the outreach events we want to have to reach the kids that way. So have I succeeded, or have I failed? Have i done what god asked? Have I taken the steps I believe he would have me take? If I have, then how can I have failed? It's all about how we measure success.

Can we really move to a concept whereby if we truly believe God has said to do something that we can DO IT, count the doing it as success and honestly leave the results in his hands?


37.How can I add value to the life of others?
A Smile is sometimes enough. At other times a hug, or speaking out the encouragement God has put on my heart for them.


38.How can I serve?
I currently serve by leading the Sunday School for 5-11's at our church. Had a fantastic session last week, which was really encouraging to me and the rest of the team. I think at some point we would like to move back into serving through small group leading, but not yet.


39.What can I do better than anyone else?
Be Me! Follow the plans God has for ME! No -one else can do them in quite the same way, so if I miss them, if i say no to them, the world misses out because it was meant to be me who did them. Trouble is right now I really do not know what it is he would have me do! I have a month off work, UNPAID to consider this. At the end of that month I cannot afford to stay unpaid any longer so I have to make a decision. Would God have me persevere with this job, knowing that I am different now, and therefore might get a different reaction from the schools? Would he have me take the small financial plunge of taking on a classrooms assistant course. Would He have take the huge financial plunge of going back to university and doing a teaching degree? Would he have me pursue the whole radio thing? Or is there something totally different.

I have had so many people say things to me over the last few months. Total strangers who have told me how I'm a natural at standing in front of a room full of kids and asked if had taught in the past. trusted friends whose response to that was "You know I reckon it's kind of open wide and God's asking you what YOU WANT TO DO!", other trusted friends who have complimented me on just how well I did on the radio and joked about how maybe I should consider a career change, but where it's one of those jokes that hits something in your spirit. Or what about the people who were so moved by the talk I gave about my trip to Belarus that they were in tears, and the trusted friend who said that when I'm up in front of the church now I'm no longer apologising for myself.

So, OK God, what do you want me to do? What do I want to do? I don't know!

I need to sit down with someone, someone I trust and think and talk and eat and pray!



40.What are my top three strengths?
Encouragement, Listening, (I can't come up with another one, that's awful)


41.Am I moving in the direction of my dreams?
I believe that I am but right now I don't know what the dreams are. If I knew that i might be able to answer in more detail.


42.Do I tell others what I really want?
I'm getting better at it, and in certain situations I will do this, but not in all situations. It depends a lot on where I THINK I stand with the person concerned. I think I need to exercise this in relation to the last part of my answer to question 39.


43.What does my ideal day look like?
Wake up feeling fully rested, with a Christian radio station playing on the alarm clock (can't get that yet, only on DAB). Get up in my time, dress in comfortable clothes. Come down to a clean and tidy house. Eat breakfast with hubby and the boys. Fill my day with reading, crafting, writing, maybe a trip to a craft shop or two, watching craft shows or videos on the tv. Eat wonderful comfort food for lunch and go out for dinner, somewhere simple but not too busy.
all of that without HAVING to take a nap, but doing so if I WANT one!


44.Where do I want to be a year from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now?
I'm with Dana on this one, I don't like these questions. There are things I want that person to know, the me of that time. I want her to remember how much she is loved and how much she loves. I want to remind her of her passions in case she has forgotten. I want to encourage her if she is down and rejoice with her if life is good.


45.What does my ideal living environment look like?
I would like a house slightly bigger than this one with much more built in storage! An attached garage, rather than one 50 yards up the road. A slightly bigger garden, with established planting. because of that built in storage I would like things to look a lot neater than they do now, and most importantly I would like that extra space in the living room. All other things I would like are just dreams, and wonderful additions, etc. These are the things that are key if we were to be able to move upwards in the housing chain.


46.What would I do if I had no fear?
I have to say my answer matched Dana's before i even read hers. remember yesterday how I talked about how I am afraid to step out and speak to people about Jesus. If I had no fear I would do this far more. But then it's not necessarily just about fear levels, it could also be about calling and about personality, that yes all of us are called to evangelise, but some of us do it in different ways. I don't know.


47.What would I do if money were not an object?
fly to America tomorrow. Spend a week in FLORIDA with my W@H friends. Spend another 2 weeks travelling the country meeting other w@h. house search for the w@h compound! Finish up with meeting hubby and the boys at Disney for the holiday of a lifetime!


48.What excuses am I making?
Too fat, too tired, not heard, too confused, don't want to fail, don't want to mess up, want to be EXACTLY in God's will.


49.Do I enjoy what I do on a daily basis?
At the moment NO! I have been in this house since Sunday when we got back from church. It's now Thursday and I haven't been out! Since they took my driving licence off me, I'm waiting for my free bus pass to replace it. That won't come for another couple of weeks or so, so if I want to go anywhere I have to find the money for the bus, and I guess I just don't want to go anywhere THAT badly, even just to break the monotony.


50.Am I on the right path?
I am following the Lord god. I am intentionally walking in His footsteps. So YES.

I admit I need guidance on which way those steps are going, but my Heart is for HIM, and that is the only thing that matters in the end.

Tell Me Thursday

What is Tell Me Thursday?

Just follow these simple steps:

1. Participate in Wordless Wednesday.
2. On the following day (Thursday) write a blog post telling the story behind that week’s Wordless Wednesday photo. Make sure that in your post you put a link back to your original photo so that new visitors can find out what in the world you are talking about! :-)
3. Visit the main page for Tell Me Thursday each Thursday and add the link and a comment to your description post.
HOWEVER, there was no post on new years day and nothing yet for today.
BUT I still want to share the story behind my picture, so here I am!

Yesterday I shared this photo for Wordless Wednesday.


I mentioned how this photo was taken on a recent trip I took! That trip was taken with Operation Christmas Child, a charity that sends Christmas gifts across the world to children who otherwise might not get a gift this year!

I was blessed to be chosen to go on the distribution trip to Belarus and after much fund raising finally December came, and we made our way to Belarus. I will be sharing some of my stories over the coming days, so today just a short tale of this photo.

If I'm right about the location of this shot, it was taken in a church in Stoltbsy. We handed out so many boxes in so many locations it is difficult to be sure. What I love more than anything about this photo is not just the delight that is being shown over a child's own box, but the delight that a child is showing for another child and what is in her box. This so feeds in to what I have been telling everyone who lets me talk about this trip. We experienced SO MUCH love and sharing and caring, more than we ever expected. I'll elaborate on that in future posts.

These kids might not look that poor, they might not look that needy, but if you had seen the condition of the building at that church, which pretty much represented the condition of a lot of the homes, you would have understood why we were there. It was in fact our first distribution of the 5 days we were there. Our first experience of what a difference these boxes can make to a child. I am so thankful for the opportunity that God and OCC game me, and I do hope to return one day!

Thank you for coming back to read about my photo. Hope to see you next week.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

99 questions!

I had spotted these somewhere the other day and thought that maybe I should have a go at them, more for the fact of them making ME think than for anything you'd learn about me, but (( questions is a lot, and I figured you'd get bored.
But then Dana decided to do them in 2 batches of 50 and 49. So I thought, why don't I tackle them in 4 batches. So here we go. The first 25 of the 99 questions!


1.What do I want?
I want physical healing from my sleep apnoea issues and my bad back. I want to have the energy to do what needs to be done around here, have the energy to play, have the energy to work, have the energy to worship, have the energy to Love. I want to be all the God intends for me to be. But I am reminded that In my weakness He WILL be my strength and the question comes to mind of "Yes, but what if WHAT HE WANTS ME TO BE right now IS weak", what if, in some way that will enable me to minister to someone else either now or later. Well, Lord, whatever you will!


2. What am I grateful for?
Oh so many things. for a wonderful husband and family. For two boys who are growing in the Lord, in their gifts and talents and in their relationships. For extended family who love and care, as well as church family. Each of those groups might drive me up the wall at times, but I LOVE them all! Thank You Daddy.
I am also thankful for the THINGS that God has blessed us with, too numerous to list and especially for the fact that SOON I will have a FREE bus pass to use until I am allowed to drive again.


3. What’s missing in my life?
Routine. I am trying to put at least something of a routine back in place, BUT when the sleepiness that means a nap is coming upon me no matter what comes, it could be anything from 9am, newly out of bed for the day, to 8 or 9pm on the sofa, and any time in between. Kind of makes it difficult to stick to routines when you suddenly take 2 or more hours out of the day!


4. Do I see the whole world anew each day?
This is one of those questions that is difficult to be honest about. I mean, we know we're SUPPOSED to do that right? But how many of us really do? I think I do some days but not as often as I would like. Maybe this is somethign I can work on.


5.Do I take the time to really listen to what others say?
being heard is one of my BIG issues, so i really do try to listen to what other people have to say, but also to what they are not saying, and to what meaning might be underneath. I want to get to the ROOT of issues.


6.Do I have fun?
Some times I think I've forgotten how to have fun! I do, just not often enough.


7.How can I bring more joy into my life?
being purposeful about joyfulness! Choosing to thank Father God for the good that He is obviously working for me, when bad things come.


8.What do I want more of in my life?
Energy.


9.What do I want less of in my life?
Weight and excessive sleep.


10. Am I on the look out for opportunities?
I think I do try to some extent BUT


11.Do I seize opportunities?
I also stay safe a lot of the time. I don't talk to that stranger at the bus stop, or offer to pray for the person who is obviously struggling physically. I don't put myself out there in that way at all.


12.Am I open-minded? Am I flexible?
If I'm honest, not particularly.


13.Am I quick to judge others?
If I'm honest, yes, not that I say or do anything about it, I just think it. HOWEVER I am getting much better about willingly changing my judgement of a person or situation, when I calm down and see the truth.


14.Do I take calculated risks?
It's an interesting phrase, a calculated risk, because if you've calculated it all out to be "acceptable" is it really a risk. Hmmm. Should we stay safe, is that what god wants? I don't think so. Heck what could be more risky than taking God at His word and really going after the things you believe He has put on your heart. I think I am ready to take some risks, I jsut don't know in which direction I should be doing so.


15.Do I give others sincere compliments?
I try to. it sometimes gets me some funny looks because people aren't expecting it, and I don't do it anywhere near as often as I would like.


16.Do I appreciate what others do for me?
I hope so. I don't think I'm as good at showing it as I could be!


17.Where do I want to go?
EASY - First I want to go to London with my hubby to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. Then I want to go to America and meet all my w@h friends. I would like to go back to Belarus and explore more. I would like to go on another shoebox distribtuion trip. But ultimately I want to go wherever God would send me!


18.Who do I want to meet?
Dana, Marisa, Becky, Stephanie, Stephanie, Monika, Pattie, Pat, etc etc etc etc etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


19.What adventures do I want to go on?
I reckon a trip to America ALL BY MYSELF, is a bit of an adventure!


20.Do I care too much about what others think of me?
Far far too much, yes.I do try not to, but it's jsut THERE, ni the back of my mind.


21.Do I take offense too easily?
ALL the time, btu as I said I am getting quicker and quicker at coming back and saying "I over reacted, please forgive me."


As an example of my sleep apnoea symptoms, it was at this point in writing first time around that i fell asleep, sat at the compute desk, repeatedly. I would come to, try and complete a computer shut down, so I could go lie down, but fall back to sleep before I got to the final mouse click. I reckon it took 4 attempts before I finally managed to get that nap.
And to show how deep my naps and need for them is, youngest son (14) came home from school, I managed to open the door for him but hit the sofa again straight away and do not remember anything else. He's now gone back out to do some stuff with the school band, and he had to have picked up his trombone from RIGHT BY MY HEAD but i didn't rouse at all.


22.What makes me happy?
Knowing just how much Father God loves me!


23.Do I procrastinate?
Yes and no. Some stuff I consciously procrastinate on, and other stuff HAS TO be put off because of unexpected naps and sleepiness. For instance I am playing catch up on a bible study. The other day I had energy to stay awake through reading and did nearly a whole week's worth in one day. Today, when I had the energy I used it for kitchen cleaning and now, I'm at that level where I know if i tried to do lengthy reading, I would drop off again, so it has to wait.


24.Do I stand up for myself?
I am learning how to appropriately do so, so that I don't over react. For instance, in getting us out of small group leading last year, I had to be the one to stand and say "I am getting out", no-one else would do it for me. In the past I'd ahve struggled on and on even longer and it would have ended with some kind of blow up or breakdown! I'm growing!


25.Do I hold grudges?
I really do try not to. But I assume that other people do. So, I will continue to give them a wide berth ebcause I don't want to deal with it if they still have an issue with me, does that make sense?

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